PARTLY HEARTLESS

 FORGET IT, FORGIVE IT, MOVE ON!

The story of love is very strange. It's very tough to be lucky with love, the intentions, the desires, the interests everything will be highly variant in most relationships, the idea of soul sparking romance is also rare. How most of it ends will see the stage where he/she will tell they couldn’t stop thinking about you, that he compared every woman with you, and that he wanted to give us a second chance. But then he tells you he was too scared to fully commit to me and that he wasn’t sure what he wanted.

In my case,

I was surprised. I thought he came to me because he knew that he wanted to be with me, but he didn’t. He was confused. I told him he should figure out what he wanted before hurting someone.

I was devastated. I loved him so much. I was still waiting for him because I had hope. I was still waiting for that second chance. I was left with a big hole in my heart and a turbulent, uncontrollable mind.

If you’ve also had to accept that someone you once loved doesn’t want to be with you anymore, you probably understand the rush of feelings and thoughts that come to you every day, every hour, every minute.

It feels like even though you try to move on, to stop remembering, to stop speculating and thinking about this person, you make no progress.

Even though I never felt guilty about the end of the relationship (I am certain I did everything I could to save it and I was not going to torture myself), I did feel sad that he was with someone else, and I was still thinking about him and how great we once were.

Talking about it to my friends only helped momentarily. Hours later I always found myself thinking all those things I shouldn’t be thinking again.

My mind was a hurricane of all the wrong thoughts.

Suddenly I found myself not worrying about the fact that the relationship had ended. Instead, I was worrying about the way I was living each day, the way I was thinking with a “victim” mentality.

I was torturing myself with my own thoughts! And the only person who could help me was me. The answer was inside and only inside me.

I read books, articles, essays. I was trying to find the key wisdom that could allow me to finally feel peace of mind.

Through this process, I discovered the power of positive thinking and acceptance.

Everybody is different and therefore handles situations in different ways. For instance, I am a very sensitive and vulnerable person. When someone hurts me, I cry a lot, I forgive immediately, I don’t hate, and I don’t seek revenge.

However, the feelings of disappointment and sadness stick with me for a long time, and I strive a lot to finally let go of those feelings.

Dealing with a breakup requires immense strength from us. We need to be strong to control our thoughts, to stop crying, to find happiness in the present moment, and to let go of that person we love so much.

So, how do we get this strength? How do we start moving on? How do we begin to let go?

I’ve come to learn that there is no one single effective method to deal with a break up.

Some people might tell you it’s better to get involved with someone else as soon as possible; others might tell you to be alone a couple of months; and some others might argue that love is not worth it, and that you will always get hurt.

I want to share what I have learned from my experience. I’d like to tell you it’s easy, but it’s not. It requires a lot of strength, patience, determination, hope, and self-esteem.

If you are currently dealing with a traumatic break up or you still have the memory of the loved one so close to your heart you think you might never forget them, these tips may help:

1. Stop any contact with that person.

Stop calling, and stop sending texts or emails. Respect his/her decision. It won’t be easy, but every time you want to text or call them, remind yourself, “This will only hurt me and make it harder to let go and move forward with my life.”

2. Stop looking for reasons why it ended and have what you could have done better.

It’s tempting to rehash what happened and blame yourself for your shortcomings, but you can’t change the past, so why torture yourself reliving it? The only thing that matters is the fact that the relationship came to its end and it’s time to move on.

3. Stop thinking about what that other person thinks, does, wishes, plans, and feels.

The only person that matters now is you. It matters what you think, do, wish, plan and feel.

4. Practice acceptance.

Commit each morning to fully accepting what is happening in the now. Believe there is a reason why this is all happening and trust that it’s for the best. That this breakup will somehow support your growth or lead to something good, even if you can’t see it now.

5. Do not hate or wish anything negative to that person.

You won’t hurt them by thinking negative thoughts about them. You’ll only hurt yourself by staying stuck in this kind of anger and bitterness.

6. Allow yourself to feel and to grieve.

This was the most important one for me. Don’t feel guilty for being sad or wishing things were different. Allow yourself to feel the pain of losing the person you love.

Don’t hide your emotions, and don’t be embarrassed because you’re hurting. It only makes it worse to respond to a difficult feeling (i.e. sadness) with another difficult feeling (i.e. guilt). Just let yourself feel whatever you feel, with no time limit imposed.

7. Enjoy the sensation of knowing you did everything you could.

Maybe you fought for that person or asked for forgiveness. Be confident that in the future you will never regret making the wrong decision and will never think about “what could have happened,” because you know you made an effort.

8. Practice gratitude.

Make a list of everything good going on in your life that you’re grateful for. Include attributes that make you a special and desirable person. Keep adding elements to this list, including all the things we take for granted, such as our health, our education, our families, our friends, and our skills. Refer to this list whenever you think you lost the best thing in your life. You didn’t. There’s a lot still left to appreciate, and a lot more coming down the road.

9. Embrace positive thinking.

Start each day thinking about something that inspires or uplifts you. Think about people you admire, dreams yet to be fulfilled, things you’re looking forward to in your day. Fill your mind with positive thoughts to counteract the negative ones.

10. Understand only you can serve you well